Choosing Yourself and Confidently Living in Your Truth with Ali Knight

*This is a raw and unedited transcript.

Melanie Knights (00:00:05):

Ali, welcome to entrepreneurial Outlaws. I am really, really looking forward to chatting with you today.

Ali Knight (00:00:11):

I am so very excited to be here. I can't, I can't imagine how long this may go on for. We could talk for years, but 

Melanie Knights (00:00:20):

We would just say we're both talkers. Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:00:22):

Yeah. You do feel free to, to you know, suggest I move on if necessary.

Melanie Knights (00:00:29):

I was gonna say don't suggest that we, anybody speeds up the volume cuz I talk so quickly. I'm like, don't do that. No, I'll just sound like really squeaky also.

Ali Knight (00:00:37):

I really think, do you know? That's, that's just fascinating that that's just come in. I think I know lots of people who to box and speed them up and I think, I think it's so important to take actually slow them down. Let those words land.

Melanie Knights (00:00:50):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:00:51):

Cause they come with energy don't they?

Melanie Knights (00:00:53):

They do. And I think when you see if it's just gone off a complete tangent, but yeah, when you speed things up is what I did that accidentally. I didn't even realize. And I was thinking what is going on with this podcast? And it sounded so bizarre and I couldn't keep up. I couldn't, it, nothing was going in because it was just that much faster. And I feel like love this tangent. I feel like the idea of speeding up a podcast or a book is just feeding into that like idea of like toxic productivity.

Ali Knight (00:01:22):

Oh my God was just about to say exactly the same thing. It completely fall tips back into that trap of faster, faster, more, more, more busier, busier, busier. That's the only marker of success

Melanie Knights (00:01:34):

Because I see people welcome to this episode. Sorry. No, I love it. But when I see people who do like at TBR list, like to be read and book, reading videos and things, and they're reading like four books at once, my brain would not be able to cope with that, but it's hard. Not only that it's like they're forcing themselves to do it just to like have a certain number.

Ali Knight (00:01:58):

Yeah. Maybe

Melanie Knights (00:01:59):

And you know, fine. If that, that really, they really love it. Great. Cool. I'm I'm like, mm. Where is that line between getting joy from reading a book and falling in love with those characters or learning about something new and picking it back up and going back to certain pages versus just doing it to fill a quota

Ali Knight (00:02:20):

Yeah. Or doing it to fill a hunger for, or a thirst for knowledge, but missing the opportunity to implement or apply that knowledge. Yeah, because it's only, you know, information otherwise if we don't use it or put it into practice, then we miss, we miss a trick I think.

Melanie Knights (00:02:39):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:02:40):

And I, I have been very guilty of that over the number of years this I've been reading, but trying not to be.

Melanie Knights (00:02:47):

Yeah. I mean, I think for me, reading has always been something I've struggled with in terms of feeling like I have to read certain books, especially as a business owner, it was like, you have to read self development, you have to read personal growth. And my first year of business, I had a business coach who had like a monthly book club and it was kind of, and there were so many people who were reading each book each month and I could just never get into any of those books. And it's only in the last year that I fell in love with reading again. Yeah. And I'm reading a completely different genre genre that I'd never picked up before. And I'm like, where has this been? All my life.

Ali Knight (00:03:24):

I love that.

Melanie Knights (00:03:25):

But I, but you know, it's, it's, it is like also a journey. You're learning a bit more about yourself as you read these books because you know what you now like and what stands out for you. And I feel like every time I read new book, I'm learning a little bit more about myself, even though it's not a personal development

Ali Knight (00:03:39):

Book. Oh, for sure. For sure. That's about you learning more and more about your truth.

Melanie Knights (00:03:44):

Yeah. Which nice segue is exactly what we're gonna be talking about today. You see what we did there, which was totally unintentional.

Ali Knight (00:03:53):

I love it. I love it.

Melanie Knights (00:03:54):

So, okay. So today we are gonna talking about truth. I think that's probably a common theme that's gonna come up in today's episode. And I really wanna dig in and just allow every outlaw listening to learn more about you to learn more about your story, because I think it is such a reminder for all of us that we have a truth and sometimes we are not always listening. We are not aware of what it is. I think there's lots of layers to this and I, I think you're probably gonna take us on a wild journey where we're gonna see some of those different layers. So would you just kind of dive in and share a little bit about how you reached this point in where you are in your life? Sure. Living your truth.

Ali Knight (00:04:39):

Sure. So it's first thing to say is it's taken me a very long time to get to this point. I'm what, how old am I? 46. And whilst I have never had any capacity to lie, as in, I literally can't do it. The words stop forming as the like stop coming out my mouth as the, it even trying to formulate themselves. I, I can't, I can't tell an untruth to save my life and that does get me in trouble sometimes. But it has taken me a long time to embody my truth in a way that my life now far more resembles the root of who I am and what I'm here to do and what I love and what I'm passionate about. And it has been a massive journey to get there. I think primarily because I was completely unaware back in the day that there was even such a thing called conditioned thinking or that the thoughts and the opinions and the, some of the beliefs that I had, I never thought to necessarily question them.

Ali Knight (00:05:49):

I, they were just, that's what I understood my life was or what I understood my life to be about, but it wasn't until I started on a sort of self-discovery journey, I suppose, that I started to understand that a lot of what was going on in my head was not at all aligned with who I am now. I've always known that I'm a little bit different. So like classic, typical Aquarius rebel. Yes, I like barrier. Yeah. I like to, as you know, I like to do things my own way and I like to do things differently and I don't, I actually really enjoy not fitting the mold and I've always had that tendency. I've always been a bit like that. I couldn't, I've not ignored it. I mean, I was the first person in nineties to own a pair of the law striped trousers, which at the time everybody wanted to be a little bit sick in their mouth about, but I absolutely loved them and I wore them with pride and I completely embraced the fact that they were utterly ridiculous.

Ali Knight (00:06:55):

And I was quite alright with that. Were these with UNS with the poppers other side? No, they were just like really cool FLA a bit like tracksuit buttons, but made of the lo and stripy. Love it. So not at all in keeping with, you know, the fashion at the time, but nevertheless, all them I did. So there's been lots of, there's been lot. I suppose what I'm saying is there's been lots of snippets of my truth that have come out throughout my life and that I've been very much living in integrity with myself if you like. But there was so much that was out of alignment with who I was. So I have had, I've been on a whole journey in the last, I would say probably 14, 15 years of really having to dig very deep and discover more about who I am and that all really started from a place of deep distress and discomfort.

Ali Knight (00:07:55):

So I was experiencing extreme, anxious thinking. I was starting to be so constrained with worry that I then began to try and control all outcomes as the only way I could feel safe. And this, this sort of happened over a period of time. It, it chimes in with when I was per pregnant with my first daughter and I'm a type one diabetic and everything is very, very tightly controlled when you're pregnant and have diabetes. And so there was all this scrutiny and fear and worry that we were, that was told to me every two weeks for the three hours that I sat in clinic about how what I did and how I lip behaved and how I lived and what I did with my blood sugars could, or, or might risk the health of my unborn baby. And so that's, that's kind of where I track it back to where it started, but at the same time, I had a number of life events that were also contributing to a really quite uncomfortable time.

Ali Knight (00:09:01):

So my mom was showing very early signs of memory problems and was having lots of investigations. She was literally diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple of years after my first child was born. So at that very time, when you kind of need your support system around you, mine was failing through no fault of their own. Yeah. But all of a sudden, I think I probably felt very unsafe in the world and had no to be fair, had no bloody clue about how to be a parent, even though I'd had that model to me. So be fully by my own parents. So I tried to recreate what I'd experienced as a child and it did a great job of it, but there was lots about it that felt really icky and sticky. And didn't quite align with who I was. And I tell this long story short, I tell this this about how the day that I chose to stop ironing was a pivotal day in my life.

Ali Knight (00:09:59):

Now this is like only about, only about six, seven years ago. I realized by then married two kids. I realized that the only ironing I was doing in that in every Sunday night as I did, it was everybody else's clothes. I, why clothes that needed iron cuz why would you? No. Yeah, there, I was in this very sort of conditioned, very patriarchal energy of, well, I should, I should be the one to make sure that my husband's worksheets or iron and I should be the one to make sure that my kids' school uniform was iron because hell com possibly send your kids to school Inre clothes. And I suddenly had this like bond drop on me. Like what the hell are you doing? You're standing there in utter resentment, ironing, everything else that belongs to everybody else. And you are doing this to yourself.

Ali Knight (00:10:54):

And it was like, it knocked me sideways. So at that down tools, stop iron announced that I was stopping ironing and had to not care about other people's responses. And that was kind of the beginning of this then huge wave of starting to really feel into who I was and step much more into alignment with who I am at soul level or a, like a core self level, if you like. And I had to do an awful lot of work to witness the anx, the anxious thinking that I was experiencing to look at where I was colluding with some of what was tricky and uncomfortable and dissatisfying in my life. I was in a job I didn't look of. I was revolving my whole life around everybody else and their needs. And then as I say, sitting in resentment about that and wondering why life felt so difficult when actually if you looked at it from the outside in, I had everything I had thought that I wanted, but as it turns out that wasn't really what I wanted. It wasn't enough. And that's a hugely scary, uncomfortable realization to come to. And so I was almost

Ali Knight (00:12:17):

I don't want to say forced, but it, I, I, I literally had, I had, I had to decide, am I gonna choose life on my terms? Am I gonna choose me Or am I gonna choose everybody else? And things got so uncomfortable. I felt I had no choice, but to choose me otherwise I was going under. And I see this in my client's time and time again. And it might be to varying degrees and affecting people in various different ways, but

Ali Knight (00:12:49):

We have so many of us are find ourselves living in a that just doesn't work for us or doesn't feel good or doesn't bring us the joy and fulfillment that we really deserve in life. Yet we stay there because it feels too hard to do things differently. So living in my truth has been all about challenging, some of very gentle and sometimes quite in quite a big way, very gently. And in, in big ways, challenging some of that status quo and having to ask myself really challenging questions about, does this work for me? Does this feel good? And if the answer is no, Then that shows us, we need to be digging deeper explor further, not tipping over into panic, but finding ways to either make things work for us or to do something completely differently. And so the more I have tiptoed into that, the more I've done it slowly but surely the more I've done it in little ways and big ways, the more and more confidently I get to stand in my truth and be okay with that, regardless of what anybody else thinks of me. And

Ali Knight (00:14:04):

Don't think for a minute, I don't care about what people think of course I do, but I don't allow it to land anymore. So I'm really, I work for really hard to be really strongly connected to my soul, to be connected within so that I can operate and live from this place of truth, because that's where our truth is. It's in our heart center, it's in our soul space, it's in the very essence and spirit of who we are. It's not our label, it's not our role it's responsibility. It's not the things that we do. Our truth is who we are. And we can, we can choose to live life in any number of ways that honors who we are, but that is a choice. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (00:14:50):

And I think

Melanie Knights (00:14:51):

Just, I mean, first of all, thank you for sharing so much of your story because there are so many parts of that that I can resonate with from being in Aquarius and definitely standing in, within my integrity and in areas of my life, but also losing parts of myself over time. Yeah. Coming back to, you know, that conditioned thinking and the ways in which we are told, we are supposed to live, what we're supposed to want and the girls we're supposed to have, or should have. And you know, I've seen that in my own life. I've seen that over the years, especially when I became a business owner, I've seen that as a, became a mother like, oh no, actually I don't wanna do this. I don't want to, I'm not that kind of, you know, I'm not gonna put myself in that box. I'm not gonna say I have to be that kind of mom or I have to be that kind of, that wife or that human or that business owner or that person that I don't have to be any of these things because it comes back to it, as you said, like being my truth and like what I want to be, and I think is such a journey and there are just so many areas and I think it can be so, you know, from, from my own personal journey of the last few years, especially really, almost completely changing how I approach things, how I wanna live my life, even down to things like my hair color and the way, the way I dress, like these things completely shifted, but I can see where they were actually maybe starting to be nurtured in my teens.

Melanie Knights (00:16:23):

Yeah. And then just completely cough.

Ali Knight (00:16:26):

Yes. That's so true.

Melanie Knights (00:16:28):

It was like trauma grief. No, we have do you know, we have to protect ourselves, like you said. And, and that was for me, I, to protect myself, just fit in, just, just try to fit in. Yes. I couldn't fit in if I freaking tried.

Ali Knight (00:16:44):

You not meant to. None of wasn't meant to.

Melanie Knights (00:16:47):

I saw an Aquarius me the other day that said it was like a text message me. And it said, sorry, I was really awkward the other day I was trying to fit in, but it completely backfired.

Ali Knight (00:16:55):

Yes. I saw that one. So

Melanie Knights (00:16:56):

I was like that's so me,

Ali Knight (00:16:58):

Absolutely

Melanie Knights (00:16:59):

Me trying to fit in makes it more awkward. But one of the things that you mentioned is the fact that you were putting everyone else, like, you know, talking about the ironing, putting everyone else's needs first, doing ironing for everyone else, something that you didn't wanna do and you resent it. And I think that it can be so tough in life and business. And especially as women and people who identify as women is putting ourselves first is, is knowing even sometimes what that looks like. I always remember years ago when I was in some kind of toxic weight loss, weight loss era of my life, and I was obsessed with watching the biggest loser. And I remember every time you would see these probably like women in their fifties, sixties, who had kids who were now in their teens and in their twenties and every single time you saw them, it was this story of they'd put everybody else.

Melanie Knights (00:17:53):

First mom did everything for us. She was a great mom. And I always remember watching that thinking. I don't wanna be that person. I don't wanna get to my fifties or sixties and feel crap about myself and feel like I haven't done things that I wanna do because I've put everybody else. And I always held onto that. It's not always been easy or perfect, certainly, but I always kind of clung to that. And I'm wondering for anyone who's listening and feeling like their own needs are neglected. Like they're not putting themselves first or they're burned out from taking care of everybody else. What would you, what would first step or the first few steps to kind of acknowledging that and then putting themselves, or shifting to the place where they're putting themselves first, even slowly and gently?

Ali Knight (00:18:39):

Yeah. Well, the first thing to say is that it is entirely possible to put yourself first and not inconvenience someone else in the process. So we tend to think very dichotomously don't we, our brains like order, they like linear. They like logic. So we have come to assume through thousands of years of patriarchal conditioning that are particularly for women, this is, or those who identify as women, but not, not exclusively. So many of us have come to believe that it is our role to nurture others, our role to look out for everybody else. And in that process, we've somehow arrived at this conclusion. That that means that we don't get to do that for ourselves. It's like an eye raw scenario. Now I don't believe in either or at any level about anything. I'm a both and person. So the first thing to say is, let's just, just acknowledge that if you are falling into that trap of thinking that if you don't put yourself first, no, sorry.

Ali Knight (00:19:51):

If you're going to put yourself first that you will somehow be neglecting others, that's simply not true. It's not a fact there is a way to put yourself first and support and nurture others. If that's what you choose to do, what you want to do. So the first step is, is to acknowledge that there's no dichotomy here. It can be all in everything, both. And, and it doesn't either, or it's not me or them that just creates separation. And that's not what we're here for. So if you're going to work through this logically, which, and it's okay to use logic, our minds are there for a reason. But the first thing to do is to identify where in your life you are not putting yourself first, and you can do this by simply tuning in what feels off, What doesn't light you up.

Ali Knight (00:20:51):

What drains you, what drains your energy? What exhausts you? What leaves you feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Now don't get me wrong. Mopping. The kitchen floor doesn't make me feel protect fulfilled, but it's something that I do have to do because I'm now single. It's all on me. I can't get away with it. So I'm not saying we shouldn't do things that we don't wanna do. There's always things that we have to do that we don't want to do, or rather not do, but I want you, I want listeners to really tune into their body and into their energy. You already know where you are not putting yourself first in life. And it could be something as simple as you're so busy running the kids around to a million different after school activities that you never get a moment to even have a pee or a cup of tea or eat, cuz you're so busy putting them first. It could be something as simple as always taking on the E extra projects at work because you know, you're capable. And because people look to you because you're capable and cuz it means, you know, everyone else is overworked. So you just take that on as a, as a kind generous way of being.

Ali Knight (00:22:10):

So you've got to identify where you are not putting yourself first. That's the first place to start. The other really important question. And this is a tough one is it's really important to ask yourself where you are colluding with that. So where are you buying into the narrative? That is simply that it's just one narrative. Where are you buying into the narrative that you don't get to come first? That you are not as important as everybody else because you are putting them first. Cuz that's essentially what you're telling yourself. If you continue to put everybody's needs above your own, you're basically telling yourself and you're showing yourself that you are not worthy. You're not as important as everybody else says. Who Again, that's not a fact. It's something that you are, you have been conditioned to think perhaps, and that you are colluding with by staying in this status quo or this holding pattern. And then I would say the third thing is where can you give yourself permission to do things differently? Because that permission piece is sometimes the biggest linchpin of change. Where can you start to feel into and ease into actually I count to a I'm important to

Melanie Knights (00:23:36):

Yeah, I think it's, it's it what I think it's so in interesting, because I feel like that colluding part in my experience has been the piece that I probably really avoid all costs. Cause I don't want to admit that I'm part of the problem.

Ali Knight (00:23:59):

Of course not. It's really uncomfortable.

Melanie Knights (00:24:02):

It's so much easier to look Stanley, you know, it's I mean, and this is, this is across the board for anything it's so much easier to look outside of ourselves and say, well, this is happening and this is why I'm behaving in this way. Or this is why I'm doing this. It's like, yeah, that's one part of it. But also how we react, how we respond, how we go, about how we allow others to interact with us or the things that we offer to do the things, the experiences, the ways in which we connect with other people, it's going to have an impact on how other people respond, how other people treat us, but also how we then see ourselves. Yeah. Because To me it's, it's, it's also almost like that. What is that quote, that's saying, you know, Mind what you, what is it, mind your words because your brain is listening. I can't that, but that would butcher that completely, but you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's, it's, it's like a version of that because of how we treat ourselves, how we speak to ourselves. If other people see that it's like permission

Melanie Knights (00:25:15):

To Have that kind of relationship with us. And I'm, I'm so curious to know as well from, you know, from your own experie as well. And even with working with clients, as we start to recognize these areas where we are not living our truth, where we are not putting ourselves first and where we are potentially colluding with that, How can we shift that, that perspective from, well, for example, if I don't take my kid to after school, whatever Who's gonna do it or having those conversations with partners, spouses, husbands, wives, whoever it may be, where it's like, I need some help with this And like positioning that con conversation as well. What would your advice or tips be for that as well? Positioning those conversations.

Ali Knight (00:26:16):

It's super hard to do things differently to how you've always done them. That's the first thing to acknowledge. So positioning those conversations, which can often feel uncomfortable because what everyone's fallen in, everyone around you has fallen into is also assuming that you are okay with doing all of this. So we have to remember to meet people where they are or, or rather Allow them and support them to meet us where we are. So it's about stepping away from confrontation and it needing to be about conflict and an us them scenario. It's about actually, How do I wanna feel, What support do I need, Who can help me with that or who might be able to help me with that? And how would I like to open up that conversation? Because we all live in this really numb cutoff place of assumption. We assume that we know what everybody else is thinking. Yeah. And I'm afraid we just don't until we have a conversation and check that out with them. So I would

Ali Knight (00:27:35):

Start with a conversation with yourself. Hmm. I would be, and I do this through journaling, which I'm sure we'll go on to in a minute. But I, and I know you're a big journal and you are, you are like me, you kind of that's how you, that's, how you vibe and one of your kind of big tools that you use to sort of access what you need to know. So I would, I would have a conversation myself in my journal and I would ask questions of myself. My journal is all always through the form of questions. So I might ask how do I feel? And back in the day, I would've, when I, I can, I got millions of journals, say I could go back and I could screenshot your pages of them. That all say the same. How do I feel exhausted? Yeah. Angry. Like I've nothing left. Like I have no life. That's my own. Those kinds of things. Get honest with yourself, radically honest and then ask how do I wanna feel And make sure that when we're, so one thing I would say about when you're asking questions in your journal, I've gone on a complete tangent now, but when you're asking questions in your journal about how you want something to, to be, so you're kind of looking at creating your future reality.

Ali Knight (00:28:51):

Yeah. Don't fall into that trap of saying, well, I don't want to feel, I want the absence of something.

Speaker 5 (00:28:57):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:28:58):

So I might have said at that point, how do I feel exhausted, burnt out, done in angry or resentful? How do I want to feel? I want to feel at ease. I want to feel imbalance. I want to feel A sense of shared load Or a sense of shared responsibility when it comes to getting kids to and from stuff. I want to feel like a great parent, but I don't want to have to do everything. So you start to you, you can see how In a very gentle process, you can start to move yourself towards. Okay. Well, if that's how I want to feel, what might some of the solutions be for that?

Ali Knight (00:29:48):

What, and have a play with it. If you could wave a magic wand, what would be different? And you know, the answer and again is gonna vary. But back in the day I would've said, well, actually I want share of the parents. Or I want my husband to come home from work early and take up the mantle for once one night, a week or whatever. And he, so you can start to feel into what might feel good for you. And that then leads you towards who you may want to have a conversation with and how you need to convey your need in that conversation. And I would always suggest people sit in the awareness that when we have some of these conversations, what we're asking for is change and people find change very difficult.

Melanie Knights (00:30:35):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:30:36):

And they're go, they're gonna have a response. They're gonna have a reaction. You are not in control of body. Else's reaction. You are only in control of how you respond in any given situation. So if you want to approach that conversation calmly and help that other person see how you are feeling, Then you have a choice about how you do that. Yeah. Make the conscious decision to step away you from conflict. The minute the conversation starts to turn sour, don't throw your toys out. The PRM spit the dummy slam the door, sit in calm awareness of what's taking place.

Melanie Knights (00:31:17):

Yeah. And that is some of the most uncomfortable places to be Hmm. To have those heavy. I always say that to, to see any real change and to understand what we need. We have to usually have the hardest conversations with ourselves first because it comes back that diluting every difficult conversation in our lives and businesses is gonna start. If we, if we wanna be able to approach it in that of, you know, being able to calm about the conversation and be able to really share how we feel without blame and without being passive aggressive or, or anything like that, being able to approach in that way. I think we, this is the power of self inquiry in journaling is we have to get those thoughts out. Somehow you can do it through therapy. You can do it in general journaling. And I do the same. I, I usually there's so many journal, I'll be journaling and I'll have an idea, but I'm like, I need to answer this question first. Mm. And it's like having a great conversation with myself and as a fellow aquarium. And I think, you know, that we are great at conversations.

Ali Knight (00:32:20):

Yes.

Melanie Knights (00:32:20):

And you know, that is everybody listening will find their own way of being able to do that. But journaling with questions can be a really powerful tool because it is personal. It is this kind of private place. You can be radically honest, as you said, and you will be surprised what comes up and you'll be surprised how you'll be surprised by some of the things that you start to realize for sure, as you go through this process.

Ali Knight (00:32:48):

For sure. And also your journal is a place where say you are going, you say you are approaching one of those uncomfortable conversations. It's a place where you can test out your assumptions about it and witness them for what they are. You don't know how that's gonna go until it's gone. You can't possibly predict the future. You can influence how that goes, but you can't know for sure. And so a journal can be a place to practice. Some of those conversations. I used to write reams and reams of how I might want to say a certain thing to my now ex as I used to write I used to use try, try out different languages or different words and see how that those felt in say, then saying them out loud. It's a place to practice when we practice, we start to get more comfortable with it. So that discomfort to dials down a notch.

Melanie Knights (00:33:40):

Yeah. And then we become more confident with the conversation cuz the confidence is our perception of ourselves in that situation. So absolutely you, we now practiced it enough times that we can, we can enter into the conversation, not knowing how it's gonna turn out, but knowing how we, we are gonna show up.

Ali Knight (00:33:57):

Yes. And that applies across us. Every interaction that we have in life, you know, could be, you could be, I don't know, talking to a client about boundaries and when it's okay for them to be in touch with you and when you are not working for example or it could be a tricky conversation with a partner about childcare or it could be a conversation with your boss about what you do and do not feel comfortable about. For example, it applies to every conversation. And, and this, we don't have to just write in journals as well. We can voice note things. You are super creative with your journals. I know lots of people who draw as of expression or dance. And all of that is about it's a, the, the heart of what I believe is that we, if we have to connect to ourselves, if we want to live truthfully we have to connect within if we want to live in alignment and an with who we are. And so there's a million different tools to access our inner world, but journaling, dancing, moving being with ourselves in any form is always going to strengthen that connection.

Melanie Knights (00:35:18):

Yeah. And I think part of, one of the things I talk about a lot and I've realized it's part of my mission in my business is to help business owners in particular, fully express themselves. And I think, you know, with, through journaling writing, art dance, whatever it may be, that is part of that expression, knowing how we can have that relationship with ourselves. Mm. As well as how that can help us have conversations and relationships outside of ourselves as well. And one of the things that I really believe is that when we feel fully expressed, it's part of that alignment and recognizing, you know, we're aligning with ourselves, it's part of that process. We're aligning with our vision with living our life on our own terms. And as you said, not apologizing for that. And one of the things I wanted to talk about with you is that when I met you, I could feel hun, how unapologetically you you are. If that makes sense. There was something about your presence and I, and I mentioned this to you before we started recording. And I believe it's that anchor that you mentioned, because it's the solid foundation of who you are when I, when I visualize you when or not I spend time visualizing you. But you know what I mean? When I think of

Ali Knight (00:36:38):

Up

Melanie Knights (00:36:40):

All my time, that is why I do. Yeah. And when I see you online, it's the same as when I see you in person. And when I met you again, there was that, that feeling. And I'm really curious what some of, besides journaling, what are some of the tools and techniques you've adopted and that you use to live from that place of heart and soul and in alignment with your truth.

Ali Knight (00:37:06):

That's a really great, great question. And there's so many different tools that I use. There's never gonna be one solution. Those tools are varied over the years. There's, and there's also the never gonna be one homogenous solution for everybody. So we've mentioned journaling. I won't go there again, but I began with meditation and journaling as a sort of daily practice. When I was feeling at my absolute worst. I was racked with horrendous, anxious thoughts. I didn't sleep through the night. I lived in from this place of fear. And so I began with literally three minutes of meditation a day. That was all I could manage. And that was good enough for me. And just a page writing. And over time, I've then expanded and grown different tools and techniques. So I have very much surround bonded myself with people who I can resonate with their vibe.

Ali Knight (00:38:08):

And it might be people who are inspirational. It might be people who are you know, say inspirational in business, or it might be people who just, you just know the minute, your soul, me, that you're meant to have a conversation. I surround myself with things that light me up and choosing to live through the lens of love and joy has been a game changer for me. So it's probably worth maybe sharing that my 17 year relationship, my marriage ended around 50 months ago, super hard decision to make super powerful. And when I came to live in my own place I, I made the conscious choice that I was not bringing anything with me that didn't bring joy a proper Marie condo day. Apart from that weird folding thing that I can't get my head around. I literally everything in my house, everything in my work area, everything that exists in my garden is all stuff that bring, lights me up and make the choice to light myself up.

Ali Knight (00:39:15):

Yeah. Now that's gonna look different for different people, but it's things like textures, colors the crisp, the alt that I have on my mantle piece, the crystals that I work with, the Oracle decks and TA cards that I consult all the time, the feeling into the bigger picture and learning the lesson and making mean of both amazing situations and also those challenging ones as well. I like you, I cycle with the moon. I very much have learned how to read and feel into my own energy and give myself full permission. We're back to that permission thing again, to do what feels right for me in the moment.

Ali Knight (00:40:04):

I, every day I'm out in nature, because again, raises my vibration raises my frequency gets me out of my head, reminds me of the bigger perspective of life because trees keep growing and flowers keep sprouting in clouds, keep moving. And if you only have to look up to understand how bloody small you are anyway things like gratitude practices. And then I live by, I often live by specific mantras. So when my relationship was coming to an end, I began using the mantra, faith over fear. So having the trust, feeling into the faith that everything happens for us, not to us, but for us, divine intervention is a thing. And that may not, or may not resonate with all your listeners, but I know it will resonate with some the as bigger forces at play here than just me, myself and I in this little world, things are gonna be put in my path that are meant for me and things are gonna be put in my path to help me learn and grow.

Ali Knight (00:41:08):

And it's all good. So I had this faith over fear mantra. I had, I use affirmations on a regular basis. I tune in to what I most need to be telling self. And I create an affirmation about that. That affirmation, that mantra, faith over fear got me through some of the darkest days of my life so far. And it was so important. I had a ring, a silversmith maker, a spinner ring for me with that mantra on it. I then started thinking about having a tattoo. Wasn't sure what to have. I thought I might have that mantra, but I wasn't certain next thing is I lose my ring.

Melanie Knights (00:41:48):

Oh.

Ali Knight (00:41:48):

Which shows me that I'm meant to have that mantra to tattooed on my skin. And so now I do it's on my four on, you probably saw it on the tree. Exactly. and my latest mantra, like a general mantra is it's all good. Like literally, it's all good. Whatever's happening To you in your world right now is happening for you. It's all good. In the fullness of time, we will come to understand why these things happen or why things played out as they did, or why certain events unfolded in, in the way they went. But if we can hold true to this belief that actually it's all gonna work out out. Okay, It's all good. Then we instantly change how we show up. We instantly change how we behave. We instantly change how we feel and isn't life, isn't human experience about about feeling and Journeying and experiencing and having those incredible joyful moments. And also having those moments where we've made mistakes and we've had to learn from them. Yeah, so that, it's all good. It's all good. So the tools, I would start people off traditionally are some silence or medical, some, maybe some breath work and some journaling. And that's, you know, that's really what prompted me to create my soul journal, which is a, a sort of way to help people establish something of a regular journaling practice which has been, has proved

Ali Knight (00:43:35):

Really supportive for so many people which I'm delighted by. 

Melanie Knights (00:43:41):

Yeah, because oftentimes a blank page can be the most intimidating thing. Oh yeah. 

Ali Knight (00:43:47):

And also people just dunno how to start. Why would we, no, one's taught us. We're not to our school. We're not taught to connect to ourselves at school.

Melanie Knights (00:43:54):

No, we're not.

Ali Knight (00:43:55):

We're taught to fit in. We're taught to be a robot and a Leming and to just do and be the same as everybody else. It's. Yeah. We're all meant to be different. We're meant to be unique. We're meant we're here to be unique and to bring that to the party, that's the whole point. Otherwise we would all be just AI robots by now.

Melanie Knights (00:44:16):

And I think I I've been thinking a lot just recently about, I don't, I don't know whether, how, why this came up. I mean, there's obviously a reason and I'll figure it out along the way. But one of the things that came up just recently is this idea of the things that we think are so unbelievably important when we are younger in that moment, they think, we think they're gonna shape our entire lives. Not realizing in like a decade who are really not gonna care. And I I'm fascinated by that because there's so many things when I look back and, you know, my teens and things that I was racked with almost anxiety about and worry, and fear and thinking that it was so important that I had this or looked this way or did this. And we carry that with us. Some people, you know, there are people who will carry that with them throughout their entire life.

Melanie Knights (00:45:09):

And I think that's such a massive of change is when we can start to realize those things are not important and the things that ha or not as important, they felt important at the time. We don't have to carry those things with us. They don't have to dictate how we're gonna live or the people we spend our time with. It's those little areas. I think that's the thing that I look back at in my, when I was a teenager and in my early twenties, they had such an impact on the choices I made and it can, it can just be, we can, we can choose to have different experiences. But unfortunately there is that, that conditioning, which is happens outside of us, you know, it's not always, it happens outside of us. We see it repeatedly as we get older and oh, somebody has a young child. I'm like, oh, I hate this.

Ali Knight (00:46:02):

It's hard. Isn't it. It's really hard. I I'm growing, I'm growing two girls. And as much as they eye roll, every time I open my mouth because I can't help, but coach them like that, many clients I see that they, I do see that they are already a little bit more expansive in and unapologetic about being who they are compared to how I was at that age. And I had a, I had a fantastic upbringing, how I was at extremely privileged and loved wholeheartedly. When I, and I recognize that many, many of us don't have that, but that does not buffer us from conditioning. No,

Melanie Knights (00:46:46):

Doesn't

Ali Knight (00:46:47):

Matter how grateful we might be or how appreciative we might be of some of the ways in we started life or things that we've experienced or the nurture that we've had. It doesn't, it doesn't make you immune to conditioning. It's everywhere. It's on social. Every social media feed, every newspaper article, every conversation that you overhear in the coffee up, it's literally everywhere. And so that's why I, I work with my clients to help them start to make conscious choices, con everything from like, what are you choosing to read? What are you choosing to listen to? What are you choosing to watch? Who are you choosing to associate with those friends that drain their living out of you? Why, why are you still with them? Why are they still, why do they still get your energy? Why do they still, why do you still gift that part of your self to them?

Speaker 6 (00:47:50):

Why? Yeah.

Melanie Knights (00:47:53):

And, and every single one of those things is something that I've in, in probably in the last decade have had to, or have worked through and will continue to work through. There will be times when I'm sitting there thinking, why am I giving you my energy? Why am I thinking about

Ali Knight (00:48:09):

You? It's my repeating lesson. This is why I'm here. Partly why I'm here on earth right now. It is my soul's lesson to establish and maintain those bloody boundaries. None of us are ever completed projects. We are never done. Like I've done what 15 years of work in a work. I, and I'm still going and I'll still be going till the day. I'm no longer breathing. And I love that. There's so much more to discover about ourselves. And we've talked a lot in this conversation about discomfort and challenges and, you know, having to make difficult choices, perhaps That is literally just the means to step into a rich, joyful, loving beautiful existence. Yeah. It's like the fences. You have the styles, you have to cross on a walk, the hoops, you have to jump through to get a job. Even that those are means to an end. Yeah. Our means to end in life is to, I believe, Fully allow ourselves to become who we are.

Melanie Knights (00:49:28):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:49:28):

And we will never, we will not be on our deathbeds regret. A knowing who we are. We may be on our death beds, regretting, all the things we didn't do. I'd rather regret what I did do than what I didn't do.

Speaker 6 (00:49:41):

Yes,

Melanie Knights (00:49:42):

Exactly. And I, I think absolutely. I mean, when you talked about moving into your, your house and Marie coning it, and that was part of, you know, I, I haven't moved into a new house, but one of the things I realized is one day I kind of looked around a few years ago and was like, Nothing in here represents who I am. Mm. And I was like, okay, but I don't know who I am. Well, this is gonna be a long journey. Yes. It's like, yeah. Right. We better get to work. And it was literally just small steps. And I think it's so easy to look back and say, it's just a hair color. It's just a lipstick. It's just this. And it's like, it wasn't, it,

Ali Knight (00:50:23):

It was

Melanie Knights (00:50:24):

Huge for the, the person, the individual making that choice to show up in a different way, present themselves in a different way, by something that's maybe out of their comfort zone or whatever. It may look like. Those little things. If we've been conditioned to believe that that's not okay, or it's, you know, know we have to fit in, and this doesn't represent, you know, the common, the common idea of who you are or what everybody else thinks you should be. It can be such a, a shift, but there is so much power in,

Ali Knight (00:51:00):

Oh, it's the power comes from those tiny steps. That's what people, that's, it's another thing we've been conditioned to, to sort of ignore. The power is in those teen tiny steps. And that's why we need this balance of the sort of divine masculine, doing divine, feminine being, if we can en embody all of our M and energy towards what our feminine energy has intuitively told us, it's gonna feel so much easier. And we are not going to be falling into that patriarchal trap of more, more, more push, push, push force, force force, try harder, harder, harder. Actually, it feels easy when we are in alignment with our intuition. It feels easy when we make those conscious choices, because we are, if we've got, if we've got to that place of making a conscious choice, we already know why we're doing it.

Speaker 7 (00:52:09):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:52:10):

But it's the teen, the teeny steps that, that are the most powerful.

Melanie Knights (00:52:16):

Yeah, it is. And I know for me, sometimes that feeling when I'm in alignment, when I'm listening to my intuition, it took me some time to realize that feeling of ease was super uncomfortable as well. Yeah. Because like, cuz if you're not used to that feeling of being in alignment, if you're not used to the, the hearing, your intuition or listening to your intuition, I recognized that I would be thinking something is wrong.

Ali Knight (00:52:44):

Yeah.

Melanie Knights (00:52:45):

And it took a few real. It took a few times, so that's half of me to, oh no, no, nothing is wrong. I'm just not used to this, this feeling. I'm not just used to this feeling of ease because I've been conditioned to feel like everything has to be hard.

Ali Knight (00:52:58):

Absolutely. And that if it's not hard, it's not worth it. Yeah. I mean, honestly it just,

Melanie Knights (00:53:06):

It just burnout.

Ali Knight (00:53:09):

No, we're not to be burn out. We're meant to be, we're meant to have periods of higher energy, more busyness. And then we are meant to fall back into that restful state. That's how we are meant to live. But we've forgotten that we've forgot it. We've forgotten several hundred years ago, if not thousands of years ago. Yeah, it's just it's, it's like I run a program at the moment called choosing me. It's a program specifically for those who identify as women. And it is all about unpaid this conditioning and really recognizing where we're affected and influenced by that conditioning and how it's okay to choose us. It's okay. We're allowed, we're, we're important enough to choose ourselves. And I would, my biggest wish is that everybody in the world gets to know that And gets to live from that place. It's okay to choose me because choosing me does not mean we don't choose anybody else. It does not mean we don't support our communities. It does not mean we don't give it does not mean we don't share ourselves with people. It means all of that, but it means we do it from a really integral, aligned,

Ali Knight (00:54:31):

Deeply connected place, which means everyone else gets the best of us anyway.

Melanie Knights (00:54:36):

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because we're, we are giving to those places from a full cup, we're giving to those places from a place where we feel nurtured and fulfilled and our needs are met and yeah. Okay. I feel like we could talk forever, but we are coming to the end of an episode and I do have one very important question to ask you. And that is what does it mean to you to be an entrepreneur outlaw?

Ali Knight (00:55:10):

Oh, it's like the best thing ever. Isn't it? It means To fully own who you are and to do it your way.

Melanie Knights (00:55:19):

Yes. I

Ali Knight (00:55:20):

Love it. I, I can't say it more simply than that. It sounds dead easy. Doesn't it? And it's not always that easy, but it's it's too who Exist in a way that works for you In a way that brings you alive. And that might mean for me, it means not, not posting on. So doing my own social media posts every single day yet. It's my content. It's my words. Yeah. It's my energy. But scheduling those bloody things. No, thank you.

Melanie Knights (00:55:55):

Yeah.

Ali Knight (00:55:56):

And that's okay. I'm allowed to do that.

Melanie Knights (00:55:59):

Yeah. Yeah. And I, I think that's really important as business owners to remember that even if you can't outsource certain things, you are able to make choice of how you work. And I think that is such a big permission slip. And when we can realize that, especially in business, that all these things that we have in front of us, they are choices and options. Oh

Ali Knight (00:56:24):

Yeah. You do. They post every day, don't post every day, the people who are meant to find you are gonna find you because they're gonna, you're gonna attract their vibe, their frequency by being unapologetically. You that's the whole point. People don't buy are time services, products, or whatever we are being entrepreneurial about. They don't buy that based on how many times a day we post, they buy it based on what we, how they vibe with us.

Melanie Knights (00:56:53):

Yeah. Yeah. It's that one connection. Yeah. So that person, there's a, there's a card in an Oracle deck and I can never feel life me remember with, I think it's the he deck. And there is a, there is like a sentence in that deck and it talks about basically showing your quirks, like let the weirdness show, because when you don't somebody who may also have that weirdness or that quirk will miss it. Yeah. And you won't have that opportunity to connect over that thing because we're afraid to show it. And I think that whilst being able to show up quote, authentically can be a privilege if we are able to do it, do it. Like if you, if you feel comfortable doing it, do it. Because especially as business owners, it allows us to have that connection. And there are so many times in the past where I wouldn't share things or I was like, nobody cares. I have people literally hire me when I was a trainer, because on my website talked about country music. Yeah. They're like, eh, I'm gonna pick you over somebody else.

Ali Knight (00:57:51):

Absolutely. And that's what you just said then is true. Showing up authentically cam it, it, it is a privilege as in a lot of people don't may, not that they are able to do that, but the more people who do do that, the more diversity we're gonna see, the more us as a collective are gonna know that difference is okay.

Melanie Knights (00:58:22):

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, amazing. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your wisdom today and for taking the time to sit down with me and have this conversation, I really, really appreciate it. And I know that everyone is gonna get so much from this conversation before we wrap up, where can everybody find you online so that they can connect with you and learn more about your retreats programs, channel, everything that you do?

Ali Knight (00:58:56):

Probably the most central place is my website. So that is Ali night, coaching.com. I'm also on Insta, Facebook on as Ali night coaching you know, does what it says on the tin and all that. But I would say have a look at the website first and do, you know, come and have a conversation with me. People can book 30 minutes chat to just talk things over. You know, that that's your tiny step. If you feel cool, if you feel drawn towards any of this kind of work, that's your tiny step. It's there, take it up. It's on a plate, have it. But I have absolutely loved having this convers with you. I feel like I have segued all over the place. But usually we find that that happens for a reason, just like everything else.

Melanie Knights (00:59:50):

Hey, we started off talking about the speed of books I think, And we got to the end and I think that, that is the point I think it was. Yeah, it was great. Thank you so much. And we'll make sure that everything is linked in the show notes. So Outlaws, when you're listening, make sure head a bit to the show notes, show notes, excuse me. And you'll be able to find all of all's information there. Her website links to her social media as well. So you can get in touch and I re much that 30 minutes.

Ali Knight (01:00:20):

Thank you so much for her. Haven't been, it is a real joy to connect to you as always. I love your podcast. So it's a real honor to be invited on.

Melanie Knights (01:00:30):

Oh, thank you. Well, I loved having you too.

Ali Knight (01:00:34):

Thanks.