010 | Summer Series: 10 Body & Business Lessons From This Summer

Melanie [she/her] (00:00)
Hello friends, welcome back to the Culture of It All and welcome to episode number 10. My brain really loves the fact that we have finished this summer series on episode 10 and that I’m going to be sharing 10 things I’ve learned about myself this summer. These are lessons from body image, these are lessons about navigating the summer physically and also some

lessons around my business, my content creation, and I look forward to reflecting on these 10 things as I head into autumn and winter and really thinking about how I can take these lessons and continue to grow and develop and continue my anti -diet work.

I am going to be taking a few weeks off after this. I’ll still be over on Instagram sharing content. I have a number of pieces of content and things I want to share with you over there planned but we will be back in September. I haven’t quite decided the date yet so make sure you follow me over on social media. I will probably pop a trailer on here so that’s

you know when I’m coming back. But I think for today we’re just going to get into it because I have 10 things I need to share with you and we could be here forever. So I don’t really have any content warnings but of course if I’m talking about a certain topic that just isn’t for you or it is something that you are uncomfortable listening to please know you can always sit out and we’ll be back in just a few weeks.

Let’s start with number one, the first lesson. First thing I’ve learned about myself this summer is that the struggles I have had over the last eight years with building and growing a business, things like showing up on social media, right, being online, being visible, and also this idea of being authentic.

And I have to be honest, I don’t know whether some of these phrases are really commonplace or whether this is just online business talk language. I don’t know at this point. I’ve been here so long and I feel like I’m so numb to some of this stuff. But essentially, when I started my business eight years ago as a personal trainer, as a coach,

There was a huge focus on being online, showing up online and the online space was vastly different to what it is now. But there was this massive focus on being quote authentic, showing people who you are, showing your life, right? It wasn’t just about what you were good at. It wasn’t just about selling your product or your coaching program. It was about almost like reality TV. And in some ways we’ve seen a rise of that. Some of the videos I see on TikTok that go

absolutely viral, are the most normal, boring or like random pieces of content. These are pieces of content from people who are normal and like, and I say normal as in like they’re not selling anything, they’re not business owners. There’s one person in particular I’m thinking of, she shared this video and it was a longer video which is interesting.

because we have the attention span of like three seconds when it comes to videos and content but she shared this video basically talking about her experience to get a bikini wax and she’s from Northern Ireland. She has a very very strong Northern Irish accent and it was a really like amusing piece of content the way she told the story, the banter, she was funny. That video went flippin but like viral it went crazy and she gained

I don’t know, like tens of thousands of followers. But I always think about how you create this one piece of content that just happens to go viral.

pressure to then create more content like that. And I think it’s great if that’s like who she is and so most of her content now, because I see it all the time, most of her content is her just sharing stories and she’s really good at that. It’s very natural for her to do so.

But you know, back in 2016, we didn’t have Instagram stories. We didn’t have Instagram live, I don’t think. No, we didn’t. We just had a grid and we didn’t even focus on Instagram. Our main focus was still Facebook. We didn’t have Facebook live at that time. That came later. Like it was wild and people saw your content. You, I mean, I was writing a blog.

and an email newsletter every single week and like sharing that and then I was creating Facebook content probably every

Wild. In some ways I’m really glad that all changed.

But nonetheless I’ve realised that so much of what I was taught in those early days of online business, the things that I really struggled with, were not just that I’m broken. It was not just that I’m not cut out for this.

It was that my personal lived experiences, and in that case being in a larger body, meant that my experience of especially coaching and personal training and working in a gym were vastly different to that of my peers.

And like, I learnt a lot in those early days, but I’m a different person than who I was then. And my experiences are different and my struggles are going to be different. And I’m looking to really work on my imposter syndrome and like being visible and self -sabotage because those things really hold me back in building a business, in promoting my own work.

It’s something that I’ve struggled with the entire time for the last eight years and I’m just really ready to move on from it and I feel like I’m in a much better position than I ever have been.

So the second lesson I learned is that I thrive when building a community and creating content. Which probably isn’t that much of surprise to some people because I’ve been creating some form of content for at least eight years.

Various different platforms, various different types of content. I ran a boutique agency in 2020 and 2021 until I burned out and decided that wasn’t for me. But I was running an online marketing agency and we were creating content for various different types of businesses. That was a really interesting period of time and I’m not going to get into it now

As I said, I burned out at the end of that and decided that I wanted to step

I continue to create content for myself. I continued to work with a couple of clients and then I started freelancing a few years ago. And so for the last eight years creating content of some kind has been like that has been what I’ve been doing, whether it’s for myself or other people. And there are elements of creating content that I really, really enjoy. I do really, really enjoy seeing content and how it’s received and paying attention.

For myself, I especially like building that connection and I think that’s where that community aspect comes from for me. A few years ago, I realised that community was wildly important to me. I don’t need to have lots of people in my life in person, but having kind of feel like I’ve kind of discovered myself in the online space. I found who I was. I found people that I’ve stayed connected with for years.

Even though I’ve never met them in real life, I consider them really good friends. Some of them I speak to a couple of times a year now, some of them I speak to every week. Those relationships are hugely important to me and then that has come from being part of a wider community. And so I know that I thrive when I’m building community, I thrive when I’m having conversations. Conversations that can be fun and lighthearted, conversations that can really mean something.

to either myself, to the other person, to both of us. And creating content that reflects that, creating content that feels like it’s really serving a purpose, like that’s so important to me. And that has been important to me for a number of years now, ever since I started speaking up about the unethical business practices, the bro marketing that we’re seeing, and it still exists. It’s wild to me that it still exists. And it’s wild to me because…

not enough people are paying attention to

the ways in which this content and this marketing, and these business owners work together. I talked about this way back in my two -parter, the intersection of diet, hustle and business culture. I get into all of that there. So if you haven’t heard those episodes and you’re interested, I definitely recommend it, but it is like a cult

And that’s not me exaggerating for many people who’ve experienced those coaching bubbles and circles and have been a part of those communities. I know a lot of them agree and I’m not the only one saying it. So I’m just gonna put that out there. Anyway, but personally, I really thrive when I’m building a community, when I’m facilitating a community, when I’m a part of a community.

I’m really, really good at creating content. Somebody said that to me recently and I sat there and I was like, you know what? I am really good at creating content. I may not know the best strategy, but like visually, I am great at creating visual content. I am really good at paying attention. So yeah, those have been some thoughts in the back of my mind just recently. The third lesson from this summer is

I don’t trust my body enough. I really, really don’t, and I really, really want to. I’ve been aware of this for a while, and it’s like little things, and I’m gonna be really vulnerable here and share some stuff that I’m hoping it resonates in some way or another. This, you know, my body is getting older. I would love to…

sit here and say that I have some kind of consistent movement routine, but that isn’t the case. My relationship with movement is very very complicated, and whilst I do move my body I am sure I am considered to be very sedentary.

I would like to improve my fitness levels, specifically things like lung capacity and mobility. Those things are really important to me. I also know that I can do that without dieting and without changing my body.

There is still some fear around movement and what it means for me. There is a fear which I think a lot of larger folks have which is I step out and do this thing that I’m doing for myself but people, I’m then visible and people want to say shit to you in public whether it’s supposed to be supportive or not and I’m very aware of that and I need to work through that before I can really

figure out my next steps. Earlier this summer I started swimming again. And I, when I tell you this has been so much fun, I so enjoy it. I love being in the water. I love the fact that it’s every other week.

But I’ve realised how much I don’t trust my body. And I said it out loud in front of my family recently, like I don’t trust my body. But I really, really want to. I want to experience things. I want to work through some of this like residual shame that I still carry.

around what my body is able to do but if I don’t try to do things I’m never gonna know if I can do them and I’m able to like rationalize that. One of the things I’ve been thinking a lot about is roller skating. When I was a kid, and I’d forgotten about this until recently, when I was a kid I loved roller skating. My mum used to take me and my friends

many many weekends. I got roller skates for a birthday when I was younger. I was really fucking good at it as well. Like those moments when I recognised that there are activities, movements, essentially sports, that I was actually really good at but I didn’t pursue. Or I quit for whatever reason and I don’t know what the reason was.

It’s wild to me. Like I remember being really good at it. Swimming, I was really good at it. And what’s really interesting is what I do recall is my friends who were far sportier than me at school. They were thinner than me, they were much more athletic. Roller skating and swimming was not their sports.

And I’m like, I feel like there has to be something there and I don’t know what it is. I can’t remember. It was too long ago, but I just think that’s really interesting. I’m so curious as to how these two sports that I was really good at and loved became something I just I fell out of passion for. So, yeah, roller skating is something that I really, really enjoyed. But I am terrified as an adult.

There is a fear of hurting myself, of course I can put pads on, which I didn’t do when I was a kid, just threw myself around a roller skating rink. But now I would wear knee pads and elbow pads and a helmet probably as well.

But also like, if I fall down, am I going to be able to get back up? Now, my mum reassures me that I would be able to get back up as long as I know how to. And she’s probably right. But I’m not ready yet. It still feels really, really scary. But I’d really like to be. So I think in early September I’m going to take my son to a local roller derby event. I’ve never seen roller derby in real life.

I’m gonna go check it out, I’m gonna watch and probably be even more scared of falling over. But I think it might be really interesting just to take him to have an afternoon, do something fun, but also just be around people roller skating. And I know that there are so many plus size people that do roller skate so yeah. Anyway, that is the experience I’m currently having. I don’t trust my body but I really, really want to.

And I know that in order for me to trust my body, I have to do things that I’m a little bit afraid of without putting myself in danger, obviously. So we’ll see.

Interestingly though, my fourth lesson is that I am less afraid of my body than I used to be. I’m far less afraid of my body than I used to be. I’m less afraid of how other people perceive my body as well. I have, the weather has been cooler this summer, but I have been…

far more open to dressing in fun clothing and outfits and not every outfit is a win. Just yesterday I was filming myself getting ready for Instagram and I was like, nope, gotta change. That is not gonna work. And I felt like that was a really good piece of content because the reality is not everything I put on, I’m not gonna feel comfortable in everything. And while somebody else might be like, fuck it, just wear it. Absolutely not. Like sometimes those sentiments

work for some of us. Like, the idea that we can just wear whatever we want, you know, wear the damn shorts or wear the bikini or who cares what they think, like, that’s lovely and sometimes I really do feel that way. But sometimes I really don’t. And that’s okay. But I am less afraid of myself, I’m less afraid of my body, I’m less afraid of my stomach.

and I’ve been really enjoying.

putting together outfits this summer.

The fifth lesson is that I have been embracing my inner teenager. I, there’s so many things just recently that have come up for me around fashion and thrifting, things that I adored when I was like 16, 17.

At that time, feel like for so many of us, we’re like starting to figure out who we are. And something I haven’t shared a whole lot on this show, and I want to talk about it next kind of season, as it were, of the podcast, is when I was 16, I experienced a loss in my family and experienced grief. I was still a child.

The loss I experienced really, I think, looking back, impacted.

my kind of self discovery.

which you think is so interesting because the person I lost was so very confident in who they were and impacted me in that way but I think in amongst the grief I just lost who I was becoming.

even though I was no longer in school, I really desperately wanted to fit in. I feel like at that time in my life I was far more desperate to fit in in all the ways. I felt like it would just be easier. And

there were things that was deeply passionate about. You know, I was, I was so similar to who I am now, right, that I feel like there’s this 12 year period in between where I just kind of lost all of that, I lost my passion. I lost somebody really important to me and because of that I lost a lot of the things that were deeply important.

And in the last few years, as I have leaned into things that feel like are more me, and that really started in like 2019.

I feel like I’m embracing all of the things that I loved when I was a teenager. know, me in my late thirties is me as a 17 year old, you 20 years ago. That’s, what I’m experiencing. It’s so interesting. Things like, you know, the outfits I’m wearing. was, I’m wearing this green checkerboard outfit today. And I remember, I thought to myself earlier when I was out.

17 year old me would have fucking loved this outfit. I would have loved this outfit. I would have seen it on somebody and been like that is cool and it just reminded me of that and you know things like thrifting I’ve been buying and selling on vinted this summer.

And it’s been so fun to sell things so that other people get to enjoy something that you you no longer love. And also to be buying pieces of clothing that when I see it I’m like, I know exactly how I would style that.

But I’m so excited to show you all what I’ve purchased and then to eventually show you how I’m going to style these things. Because I know that representation is so important. So I feel like I’m really giving a voice to 17 year old me 20 years later. I’m just really glad that she gets to finally have that voice because some people never get to have that voice. Some people never get to discover or rediscover that part of themselves.

so I’m really glad that I get to do that. Um, but yeah. There’s so many more pieces of 17 year old me that I feel like I’m looking back at and thinking she was pretty cool. Which obviously means I’m pretty cool now too. But yeah, I’m really embracing that. My sixth lesson is that I do feel better prepared for the hot weather this year. I have shared before I spent

probably last year trying to figure out the perfect routine, right, a routine that would help me to stay dry, help me to stay cool, help me to stay more comfortable, and I feel like that’s really happened. Yes the weather has been cooler this year but I also think I have taken a lot of action in the last year to prepare myself. I’ve been much happier this summer because I’ve advocated for myself but I’ve also given myself physically what I need.

I’ve listened to my body, I’ve listened to myself when I felt tired, and I’ve also removed the shame and guilt that I may associate with feeling tired or needing to have a third shower in a day. I’m just… I’ve just been much more accepting of myself and that has felt really really lovely.

The seventh lesson is that I still really find self -promotion and selling really, really hard.

Up until I started my business eight years ago, I worked in customer service. I didn’t sell. I feel like that was very, very intentional. When I worked in retail, it was my first kind of full -time job. I worked in retail and selling was kind of easy because people came with a purpose, and if you were helpful and friendly and you had what they wanted.

they probably bought. And then I moved into more customer service based roles and I kind of for a long time found that was my my sweet spot because solving problems is much more interesting to me than trying to sell. some of you listening may be saying, but Melanie selling online is just solving problems because

I mean, to some extent that is true. We are taught that in online business that figure out what problem you solve and then sell the solution. And that is true, right? To a certain extent that is true. But there’s so many more things that are involved in being an online business owner than simply solving a problem. But yeah, problem solving is something I’m good at. And it has really

horrendous experiences in customer service, but that was what I was doing right up until I left my full -time employment in 2016.

And even after all these years I still find self -promotion and selling really hard, really complicated. Honestly I haven’t done it in a really long time and funnily enough I was having a conversation with a friend last night. She’s known me for a number of years in the online space, we’ve worked together before on various different projects and we were talking about content creation.

and

She planted the idea of referrals and I said, you know, it’s funny because the one time my business really, really grew was when I didn’t have to sell and everything was word of mouth and my work spoke for itself. And I feel like in the modern day, that can be so hard. There’s so much pressure to constantly be reinventing the wheel, being brand new, creating content that’s viral, right? And that’s just not who I am. I’ve never thrive in big…

vocal viral spaces. Like I am someone who works in with small pockets of people, I work in small communities,

in collaborations and yeah it’s been really interesting to recognise that about myself. I feel like it really very much comes back to the first thing which is that you know I’m not who I was eight years ago so it makes sense that like what I want from

my creativity, what I want for my business are very different. And which kind of leads me on to the next lesson, which is I’m ready to cut ties with the ways in which I was taught to build and run a business. I’m ready to take the time to grow something really meaningful with my creative marketing skills. I know these are things I’m good at. These are strengths I have and

Instead of rushing into something I want to take the time to create something that works for me, that works for my family, that works for my energy, my capacity. And that also, you know, solves that problem for people because I’ve been in their shoes, I know what it’s like to be trying to do all the things

Yeah, I’m ready. I’m ready to cut ties to all of the ways in which I was taught to do things previously because it didn’t work for me and I’m not the same person I was eight years ago.

The next lesson is that I am also really nervous. I’m really, nervous to pursue a career with the things I love.

It feels…

really uncomfortable to not know what is next. It feels uncomfortable to know that this podcast and everything I am doing with it is incredible. It’s my most favorite thing. I love to chat with you. I love seeing your reactions. I love knowing that I am

with each episode hopefully encouraging and as I said facilitating the community because it’s so so important to me and it’s important for this work as well but I’m still really nervous to pursue this and pursue whatever comes from it. It makes me nervous because my track record has been that I get really scared and I self -sabotage which again

Earlier on, it’s the reality of…

of what I’ve seen over the last eight years. So I’m really ready to make a change.

And even though I am really nervous, the final lesson is that I’m really ready to take the next steps in creating a fat positive online shop and community. This is something I have wanted to do for such a long time. It’s something I

I deeply want to create in person, but I know that I’m not quite ready to do that yet. I don’t feel ready to do that. And I know some people might say you’re never ready. I don’t really buy into that. think I know. I trust myself. I trust my intuition and my life is not ready for that. But I do know that I can do things online. So that is something that I

actively pursuing behind the scenes what I want it to look like, what I want it to be, how it’s going to help people, like what problem is it solving.

So yeah, it’s really exciting, it’s really scary, I don’t know what it looks like yet. I’m just trying to be patient with myself, something I’m not particularly good at. yeah, all these things coming together.

So those are the 10 things I’ve learned about myself this summer, 10 things I’ve realised. And it feels really good. I have a big smile on my face right now. I’m kind of sad that we’re taking a break for a few weeks, but I also know that I still have plenty of other content to share with you and that when we come back in September it will officially be spooky season because I mean spooky season starts in August in this house, maybe July.

Yes I’ve already bought some things and I already have decor out all year round so that’s not really an issue. But yeah anyway I want to round out this episode with some journal prompts. They are really focused on self -reflection and self -growth. I feel like it’s the perfect opportunity to take that time to reflect on what we’ve learned about ourselves so far this year, this summer.

so that when we navigate into a new season, both here on the show and outside, we can take these lessons with us and what we’ve learned. So the first prompt is, if you had the confidence, what would you do? If you had the confidence, what would you do?

I also like to think about this question as if I didn’t care about the rules, if no one was going to judge me, what would you do?

What is something you’ve always wanted to

What is something you’ve always wanted to

What boundaries do you need to set? What boundaries do you need to set?

What do you feel unprepared for? I really like that question. What do you feel unprepared for?

And finally, I feel like this one is just as much for me as it is for you. Where am I sabotaging myself? And what is this protecting me from? And I use air quotes with protecting. Where am I sabotaging myself? And what is this protecting me from?

So here we are, the end of our summer series. We’re going to take a break as I said for a few weeks. I’m going to be back in early September. I will make sure I update you with exactly when. I already have some ideas of what I’m going to be sharing with you in those first few episodes and as I have already alluded to we are going to have some guests later in the season as

But thank you so so much for these first 10 episodes. Thank you so much for listening, for downloading, for sharing, for following along. I so so appreciate you from the bottom of my heart because I have wanted to be here having these conversations for so so long and as I said I trust my intuition so I knew when it was the right time and this year so far has been very unexpected.

Many of the things I wanted to do, including starting a podcast or including podcasting, have happened, but they have not necessarily happened in the way I thought they would. And yet they have brought me so much joy. I have really leaned into my words for this year, which were content, knowing, and assurance. And I feel like all of this work and these conversations have really

continue to deepen my relationship with those words. So I am so appreciative of all of your support. If you feel comfortable sharing this podcast with friends, family, whoever you feel may benefit from this, please, please share. Come follow along on Instagram, make sure you’re following along so in between these episodes you still get to

be a part of this community and we can deepen the questions, we can do all the good stuff in between and I will see you next time, I will see you when it is officially spooky season in most people’s hearts. Until next time friends.