S2 E011 | Fat Positive Fall

Melanie [she/her] (00:00)
Hello, hello, beautiful friends. Welcome back to The Culture of It All. We are officially in September. The Burr months have arrived. I am thrilled, as you probably have guessed. If you are new here, hello, my name is Melanie. I am the host of The Culture of It All. I am your anti -diet bestie. I am here to explore and discuss…

what it really means to ditch diet culture whilst living life in a larger body. And this season we are going to be exploring and discussing the F words. This series came from me brainstorming ideas, topics, words, things I wanted to talk about, whether it was on social media or here on the podcast. And I noticed that lot of the things I wanted to talk about began with the letter F. And

This season was born. We have so many exciting topics to discuss and explore over the coming months. And there’s so many that I don’t even know when this season is going to end, to be quite honest. So we’re just going to see how it takes us, where this journey goes. We have some incredible guests and I’m thrilled to invite them on, sit down and share the conversations with you all. Before we get into today’s episode.

I just want to remind you about Substack. So if you’re new here, welcome, hello. I share these episodes a day early over on Substack and you can subscribe for free and you’ll get every episode a day early. And in the off weeks I record bonus episodes. So I’m trying to be more consistent and predictable because that really helps me and the way I work.

I am not really a fly by the seat of the pants kind of person. I know this about myself but sometimes I don’t learn the lesson or I don’t remember the lesson. So heading into this new season, heading into autumn, which is very much my time to be creative, I am being more predictable and consistent. So what that means is for all of my sub stack pals, my sub stack subscribers who are on the free tier, you will receive

episodes a day early, plus a mini episode, a mini -sode if you will, at the beginning of the month on an off week. In these mini -sodes I am going to be busting diet myths and destroying diet culture before your very eyes, before your very ears. That is what we’re going to be doing. These episodes are going to be short and sweet, hopefully I do like to talk, but they are designed to give you little nuggets of information. If you

feel that you want to financially support my work over on sub stack you can do and you will get an additional bonus episode later in the month that will be a longer episode

You can get more information at Culture Of It All Pod dot substack dot com You can get all the information over there. You can subscribe for free as I said and you’ll get that additional episode each month. So I don’t really have any content warnings for you today. We are of course going to be touching on diet culture and we’re to also touch on fat positivity and

This is just an episode to kind of ease us back in. Ease me back into recording and ease you all back in to having these conversations, listening into the show. Because as I’m going to talk a little bit about today, I have noticed how my relationship has shifted this year from doing this work, sharing content, being a little bit more visible online. And it’s a really…

complex relationship. It has its highs and lows, like all. And yeah, I’m just ready to continue this journey, continue the work I’m doing and learn from mistakes I’ve made this year, learn from the opportunities that have presented themselves and continue this anti -diet and fat positive work. So as you can tell from the title of this episode, it is called Fat Positive Fall and

Yeah, it’s my favourite season. As I said, my favourite season is a time when I typically feel just most alive. I feel like I come alive once we hit back to school, once we hit September. I’ve always loved that feeling. I remember as a kid, teenager, especially in high school, I loved back to school. I didn’t necessarily like school, but I loved…

I liked getting new stationery. It’s unsurprising that I have such a stationery collection as an adult. But I really loved everything this season has to offer. I know that’s not the same for many, many people, but for me personally, this is the time when I thrive, when I come alive and I have some of my best ideas creatively. So over the years I’ve learnt that and I just allow it to be. And that also means that for me I’m able to do a lot more because I feel…

physically more comfortable. I feel like I am able to, you know, dress my body, for example, in ways that feel more comfortable, feel safer. And yeah, it’s a beautiful feeling. Now, we’re going to get into fashion next week. So I’m not going to try and focus on that right now. Let’s focus on Fat Positive Fall So fat positivity is part of the fat acceptance movement. It’s a social movement that aims to eliminate the social stigma for folks in larger bodies.

You may also hear it called fat pride or fat empowerment. It’s the way I kind of see it, it’s like it’s almost a hybrid of fat positivity and body acceptance movements. I feel like they kind of, if they had a baby this is what it would be. And

This summer, I really thought a lot about how my relationship with my body has shifted. Because this year, as I started to pursue this podcast, pursue this work, share my experiences publicly, for example, on social media, and really put myself and my larger body out there, that was a real challenge. I always remember when I recorded my previous podcast, I had Lindley Ashline on the show. And she said,

being authentic is a privilege. And I remember her saying that during the episode and I scrambled to write that down and as you can tell maybe two years later that has still stuck with me because at the time it didn’t feel like it necessarily related to me but I could see how powerful that statement was. Now two years later I really see how I have been very afraid to

be quote authentic in my businesses and online because it’s a scary scary world out there especially for folks in marginalised bodies and I am in a larger body there are folks who are far more marginalised than me and I still haven’t established whether I’ve held myself back

whether I’m… You know, I think at the end of the day, the way I see it now is like, I get to decide, right? If I don’t want to be visible, then I don’t have to be visible. That is a choice I get to make. But when I started my business way back eight, nine years ago, so much of the time I was being told that I just needed to believe in myself. I just needed to pretend. It was very like fake it till you make it energy.

doesn’t really work for me, I’m not really someone who can do the whole fake it till you make it thing. Yeah, I don’t play the game very well. And yeah, I just, I’ve really struggled with that.

I thought a lot about the way in which I’ve done business, the way in which I want to do business, the way in which I want to show up as a content creator because I really do enjoy creating content. It’s something I actually really enjoy but there is so much that goes in behind the scenes, so many different things to do and I can sometimes get a little bit blindsided by

all that there is. But as I was getting prepared for this season and this episode I like to do some Google searches. I like to do some research, get inspired, see what I can find and see what sparks some inspiration. And I came across this quote. It said “There’s so much more to the fat experience than just the horror stories.” And this quote

is from Brooke Hull and it’s via the Body Liberation Photos website which is the website that happens to be run by the Lindley Ashline and I will link to this in the full blog in the show notes but I came across this quote and I got goosebumps I was like yes that is really inspiring there’s so much more to the fat experience than just the horror stories

to the point that I’ve written it down on a post -it and I’ve stuck it to my monitor and it’s sitting right in front of me looking at me because I want to be reminded of that. Right? I want to be reminded of that. I want to be reminded of the fact there is so much more to this experience. And one of the things I’ve noticed this year is that living life in a larger body and choosing not to pursue thinness, it really does require a lot of mental and emotional energy. It can be really frustrating and upsetting and emotionally draining. And I know that it comes with a territory.

I understand that whenever we choose to do what is right and not what is easy, whenever we choose to stand up for what we believe in, it’s never easy. It’s never easy. But the negativity can really like seep in to relationships we have with ourselves. I had a conversation with a friend earlier this year as we saw this rise of body positive content creators and influencers who had built their platforms off of

being in a larger body, they’d built their platforms off of supporting the fat community. And then they did a bait and switch and started intentionally losing weight, whether it’s through surgery or drugs or diets. I’ve seen many,

articles and posts and people having conversations about this and I have my own thoughts and opinions. I think what people do individually is none of my business. However, when you harm a community who have helped you grow financially, I think and especially if you do it in a really negative way and essentially go and shit on them. I’m like, that’s not okay at all. Like that’s not okay. But one of the thoughts I had was when you

When you have a large audience on social media and you are very active, and you have an active social media audience, you have a community who engage with your content and you have these short form videos, whether it’s reels or TikToks that go viral or have these big, big numbers of people viewing them, they inevitably get hate and shit from people who just want to exist to be trolls and

just spew vitriol to people and be negative

And I said to my friend, you know, there’s also part of me that can kind of understand how if you existed on the internet in a larger body and you were constantly being told by people that you’re wrong, that you should change, I understand where that feeling comes from. I understand because at the end of the day,

For any of us who have pursued thinness through the act of dieting, that is essentially what’s happened to us, just perhaps not via social media, right? I was a 90s kid. I saw it on the front covers of magazines. I saw it in the special K adverts on TV.

That’s how I saw this information. I heard it in the conversations around me from my parents or people’s friends or on TV. That’s how I consumed that information as a child, as a teenager. Now that information is being consumed via social media. I just, it’s not okay to turn your back on a community and to…

hurt them and do them harm. It’s never okay to do that. At the same time I also understand the the exhaustion that can come from…

being told that your body is wrong, being told some really hurtful and horrible things. And I say that from a place of having not experienced that a whole lot. I’ve had it a little bit. My first couple of videos I put up on TikTok under the culture of it all pod, apparently just ended up on like mean boy TikTok and I just got a of shit. And I was like, I’m out, I’m not doing this.

this, this is not what I need in like the first week of speaking up. And then I started to get some people who were genuine and actually were interested in the topics I was talking about. And I will cling to that. I will cling to the positive. I will cling to the people who actually want to have these conversations, not

the shitheads who just want to be mean to me because I have a body that’s not acceptable to them.

And as I said, for me this year, I’ve noticed that I’ve taken more steps. I’ve put my body, full body shots more publicly in, on the internet, in the online space. And there are still some negative thoughts that come up for me, which is entirely normal. It’s entirely normal to still have negative…

intrusive thoughts about our bodies, or our health, or whatever it might be, because it is the ocean that we swim in, right? It’s the ocean that we swim in. And one of the things I’ve noticed as well is, on social media in particular, the more accounts I follow, the more people who are doing similar work to me in similar ways, the more Meta wants to show me

weight loss stuff and diet stuff. And sometimes it can get very messy and I’m just like, I’m out. I’m out because I’m still in a place where I can’t look at that and not have a feeling or reaction. And again, that’s my choice. So for me, all of this work having a really negative effect on my own relationship with my body, that’s a big no for me. I don’t want to be in that place. And I’ve

increasingly been aware of that feeling. Because at the end of the day, quitting dieting, feels like an audacious act. Especially in a larger body, but it feels like an audacious act no matter what, because it is the norm. Loving or even liking our bodies challenges diet culture and the systems that it upholds, and so it may seem easier just to stay within the clutches of diet culture, but

We have to ask ourselves who benefits when we focus all of our resources, money, time, energy on taking up less space. Who benefits from that?

So a personal intention, starting this fall or autumn, is to spend a little less time focused on the horror stories of the fat experience and create a more positive, joyous and fun experience for myself. I am not like the most positive, sunshiny person. I know that about myself. I have a mug that my husband bought me and it says…

If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face will. That is very much me. I am very much like, if you say something, my face reacts because my brain is going, what the fuck did they just say? And sometimes I need a minute to like catch up with my face. But that also means that I can spend a lot of time in that negative area.

And what I mean by that is more focusing on the fight, feeling like I need to be ready to fight at all times. And I will continue, of course, to fight. I will – that is part of who I am. I will do what is right and fight and speak up and use the platform I have to elevate those voices and continue to have these conversations. And also I want to focus less time on the horror stories.

I want to focus on creating more positive, joyous and fun experiences for myself. Because after a year of preparing for my sweaty gal summer, I have found products that I love. I’ve created routines that really support me. Clothing that I feel really fantastic wearing and

I’ve even pushed myself out of my socially awkward comfort zones this summer and you know what? It really wasn’t that bad. This summer hasn’t been as bad as I prepared it for. I’m not gonna lie, think having air conditioning in our house has made a massive difference. But I think also for me mentally and emotionally has made a massive difference.

So even though we may be officially in the ‘ber months heading for cooler weather, discomfort will still exist, right, in my larger body. I’m still gonna be sweaty and hot. But I wanna focus more energy into the pursuit of joy.

just try and focus more on the positive aspects of the work I’m doing and the absolute privilege is to be able to sit down and record with you all, have these conversations, this to be part of my job, it is wild.

16, 17 year old Melanie would have been like, you do what? Because she really wanted to run her own business. 16, 17 year old Melanie really, really wanted to work in fashion. And I could probably do a whole episode talking about this. Maybe I will. It starts with F. And she didn’t know how to do it because back then…

We had to have brick and mortar businesses. You had to have a physical premises. know online shopping only had just become a thing when I was like 18. I think I bought my first iPod online when I was 18 and that was like one of the first things I ever bought. Yeah wild. So back then I never would have thought that I could be doing this and the fact that I do get to play with fashion as

part of this work. Incredible.

Incredible. So as we head into autumn, fall, I want to share with you five things that I’m pursuing this fall that bring me joy. I hope that maybe they offer some inspiration.

So the first one is gentle and joyful movement. Now this one, I go into this knowing this one is complicated for me. And again, we’re to have a whole episode on fitness and I’m going to explain to you why it’s so complicated, but it is for many reasons. earlier this year, and I’ve shared this before, we started a family swim.

and it’s every other week on a Friday afternoon. And it has brought me so much joy. Even over the summer, we actually went just yesterday and we took friends with us. So Greyson had a friend there. We just, we’re in the water, we’re swimming, we’re playing.

we’re having fun, everyone’s giggling and shouting, the like 45 minutes that we’re in the water just flies by. It is just a really special time. I am so glad that I said to my husband I want to do this because had I kept it to myself, had I not said it out loud, he wouldn’t have seen that this pool had this slot available.

And I’m so glad that I was like, book it, book it now. And we did. And it has been so much fun and we’re going to continue. We’re going to continue this into the winter. It is something I’ve always loved. And I’m so, glad that we decided to do this. In addition to that, I want to explore

gentle and joyful movement again for myself. I again, as I said, have a very complicated relationship with movement. I want to release the need for it to be perfect or consistent.

Yes most of the time I thrive in a place where consistency is required but when it comes to this I need for it not to be consistent, I need for it not to be perfect, I need for it to be… what do I need today? How do I feel?

And that’s really important for me. As I said, I’m going to do a whole episode on fitness specifically, my experience with that, because that’s when my business started eight, nine years ago. I was in the health and fitness industry. I made it my job because it was the only thing I knew and the only thing I’d really pursued my entire life.

The second thing is finding a comfortable pace as I revive my content repurposing services. So I’ve talked about this before. I have run a content marketing agency in the past and I freelanced. And this year, when my freelancing work ended at the beginning of the year, I started this podcast. I pursued this. This is something I wanted to pursue and I’ve got it down. I’m pretty…

I’m pretty happy and comfortable with the way this is working. I’m really glad that I decided to set a really even comfortable pace for this, for recording. I gave myself time off when I needed it and I’m so glad I did. I’m really learning to actually listen to my body and listen to my brain and what I actually need and I want to continue pursuing that and discovering and finding what a comfortable pace is as I add in more work for myself because

Content repurposing is something that I’m very very very good at. I’ve done some work with clients this summer and I am looking to pursue that and I’m gonna look at what that looks like in the coming months.

I also want to make sure that I have a comfortable pace for it because it’s so easy for me to try to do too much, it’s so easy for me to give myself more work than I really can do and then burn out. And I don’t want to do that because I really really love having this podcast as well. And if any of you have also experienced burnout you’ll know that it kind of it just affects everything and I don’t want to experience that ever again. So finding a comfortable pace.

The third thing is getting dressed and styling outfits and sharing them. It brings me so much joy. As I said, 16, 17 year old Melanie would be thrilled that she gets to share her outfits on social media. And this past year, I’ve thought a lot about, well not even this year, probably the last like four months, I’ve thought a lot about fashion and clothing and my relationship with clothing. Next week, or next time, going to be getting into fashion, talking all about that.

But it’s been very healing and I am very aware of the fact that I am probably my clothes size, I’m probably at that like top end of what is more accessible. And I do have a good amount of choice. And this summer I have been selling clothing on Vinted and I’ve sold accessories and a few bits and I have bought a number of pieces. And these are the things I’ve

been looking for and not been able to find in my size or the things I’ve just come across and I’ve just gone I absolutely love that and I know exactly how I would wear it and I would wear it with like multiple things and I’m excited to head into the cooler months to get dressed to style these outfits to share them on social media and

Yeah, I love seeing those kinds of videos. I especially love seeing videos where somebody with a plus size body will be like, I found this on Pinterest, let’s like make it plus size. I love that kind of thing. Or there’s like a theme. I found a lot of joy in that. So you’ll probably be seeing a lot more content like that from me as well. But that’s something that gives me joy. And.

I want to give myself more time to work on healing the relationship I have between my body, health anxiety and diet culture. I haven’t really spoken much about my health anxiety here on the show and that is because it’s very complicated and I am certainly not a professional. I only have my own experiences to go from. But again, something I’ve noticed and recognized in the past year

is my health anxiety has been exasperated by a number of things but one of the things is diet culture and specifically like we were talking about earlier this constant negativity towards larger bodies that we see not just online it’s everywhere

But want to get really curious about where these stories actually come from. And you know, basically just give them back because these stories don’t belong to me. These stories don’t belong to me and I am so tired of carrying this stuff around when it’s not mine.

It is… it’s heavy, right? It’s heavy and I don’t want it. And…

It’s not true. There is no truth to it. There is no truth to it. So even though I’m able to see all of that, I know that it still going to exist, but I’m going to give myself time to really work on healing this relationship I have between these three areas. Explore it. lot of journal time probably in my future. But yeah, I am…

so so looking forward to pursuing activities this fall, being outside a bit more. I think it’s really funny because I know that everyone’s like, there’s sunshine and it’s summer and I want to be outside and I’m like, no, absolutely not. And I’m looking forward to doing more activities this autumn, pursuing outdoor activities with my family and we’ve got some…

October plans already, some pumpkin picking. I haven’t done that for a few years so I’m really looking forward, I’ve thought about it and I’ve talked about it and then I’ve never got around to it the last few years. So yeah I’m excited to get back to the pumpkin patch this autumn. Gonna be doing a ghost walk I think.

and a spooky games night with friends. So these are like some of the October plans we have. I’m still trying to convince my husband that we need to watch a new horror film every single week up until Halloween. He’s not into that one as much. But these are just some of the little things I’m going to be doing and it’s so so important to…

look at what gives us joy. And I know that when we look at things like fat joy or fat community, obviously these are usually involving other people, they’re collective. I have yet to find a fat community local to me. That is something that if it doesn’t exist, I…

do have the desire to create it. I just don’t really know how yet. But this is something that I really want to feel. I really want to experience and create for other people. And so, yeah, whilst I can’t have that, I will continue to, you know, have that community and connection within my close family and friends and also with you all because you are my community as well. And

I’m so glad to be back. I’m so glad to be back in your ears. So thank you so much for joining me for this first episode of season two, The F Words. I am looking forward to a fat positive fall. I would love to know what your intentions are for this fat positive fall as we head into these ‘ber months. Don’t forget you can subscribe for free over on Substack. I will link to everything in the show notes and you will get episodes

day early plus that mini -sode Mini -sode come out beginning of a month in the off weeks so if you’re listening to this in real time it will be coming next week so stay tuned for that one. As always make sure you’re following over on social media as well because in between episodes we get into so much good stuff

I will see you next time when we explore femininity, flattering fashion. Three f -words in one but they are all so f***ing important and I have so much to say so join me in two weeks for that episode. Until next time friends!